I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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