What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
