I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
