My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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