your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
