At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
