my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
