btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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