she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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