smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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