We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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