You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
