Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
