Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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