I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
