There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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