All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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