Already got asked if we're dating
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
