Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
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