I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
