We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
