i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dick very happy bro
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