Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
should my penis look like a turkey
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
