Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
