The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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