I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
