I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Go christen that room with your naked body.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
