He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
