who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
