We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
