ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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