dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
