Do you still have your period?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
