Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
