And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
