theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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