nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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