It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
