i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
