Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
