Just fell off a train. Bad.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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