girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
