u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
