So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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