I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
