Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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