So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
