i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
