Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
