Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
