So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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